Dads are often good for a laugh. Here’s our Bowen-sourced collection of groan-worthy “dad jokes.” Thank you everyone for the enthusiastic participation! Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and father figures out there!
When people find out I’m not a very good electrician, they’re shocked.
What do you call a bear in the rain? A Drizzly Bear
I suffered a bicycle accident and the injuries mean I can’t see or turn to the left anymore. It took me awhile to adjust, but I’m All-Right now.
How do you like working as an elevator technician? It has its ups and downs.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at BICS? It’s fine, he woke up.
When does a joke become a Dad Joke? When it becomes a parent.
What do you call a fish with out eyes? Fshhhh.
Spoken by David Griffiths
My dad named his two dogs Rolex and Timex.....they’re his watch dogs!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy.
Why do graveyards have fences? It’s because everyone is dying to get in.
A vampire and a snowman had a baby. What did they call it? Frostbite.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What’s a dentist’s favourite time of day? Tooth-hurty.
Why didn’t the bike go up the hill? It was two tired.
Why did the scarecrow get a raise? He was out-standing in his field.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What’s the Queen of Cap’s favourite breakfast? A BAY-gel.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Wait...whose chickens are these??
Did you know that Kangaroos can jump higher than a house? This is because of their exceptionally strong achilles tendons and leg muscles, and the fact that houses can’t jump.
What do you end up with when you cross 25 female pigs with 25 male deer? Fifty sows and bucks.
David McCullum’s friend Gary’s father
I AM dad jokes. I’m the one who came up with a computer program to inventory dad jokes... dada processing.
Clive John Scarff
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
Jennifer Marian Hilland
How many elephants fit in a Volkswagen Bug? Five: one in each seat and one in the glove box.
Why do giraffes have long necks? Because they have stinky feet.
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.
Blockbuster Employee: Would you like tape protection sir. My Dad: No thanks, I practice safe viewing.
Why do elephants paint their toenails? So they can hide in Smarties boxes.
Have you ever found an elephant hiding in a Smarties box?
No. So it works!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants thundering over the hill towards him? “Hey look! A herd of elephants thundering over the hill towards me!”
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants each wearing sunglasses thundering over the hill towards him? Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks!!!!
What do you call three ducks in a box? A box of quackers
What do you call it when someone steals your morning coffee? A mugging.
Why aren’t Koalas considered real bears? They don’t have the Koalifications.
Why did the cockroach cross the road? He was stuck to the gum on the chicken's foot.
I use to work as an Orange, but I got fired. I could not concentrate.
How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!
I worked at the S.S. Klondike National Historic Site (a large dry-docked ship) in Whitehorse for a couple of summers. It was at that time free to get into the site, so naturally when people came up to the desk to ask how much it cost to get in, I was compelled to give some wise crack-answer. So I charged visitors a joke. (I also sometimes charged a song and a dance but I never got my wish of having someone sing Celine Dion’s Titanictheme song, “My Heart Will Go On”). Though there was the odd confused or exasperated look from a tourist, for the most part, people would comply.
I wish I could tell you that I have two summers worth of bad jokes from all over the world carefully transcribed in a notebook somewhere, but alas, a giggle or a guffaw and the jokes were gone. Only half-punchlines remain in my mind. But I do remember a lot of smiles as people let out their inner comedians.
So when Tracey, as we were brainstorming for this week’s Undercurrent edition, suggested “dad jokes” (basically, really dumb jokes) I think I threw my fists in the air (an opportunity to replenish the collection!)
My really bad joke contribution (and I’m not sure if it was my mother or my father who first told it to us as kids) is about the rary.
See, there were some new furry animals at the pet store. Little balls of fur, they were so cute. So one day this kid comes home with one of the animal and his dad asks “what’s that?”
The kid answers, “It’s a rary.”
The family’s not sure what a rary is, but they decide to keep the animal. And the animal starts growing and growing and growing. It gets to the point where the rary, now a huge ball of fur, fills up an entire room. So finally the dad says, “It’s time, we have to get rid of the rary.”
So he takes it to a cliff at the edge of town. The rary takes one look and a tear comes to its eye, and it says, “That’s a long way to tip a rary.”
Google tells me this joke has many variations, all of them based on the First World War song “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary,” and all of them involving cute animals. It’s a terrible joke, told undoubtedly too many times, but it never fails to remind me of my dad, a history buff with a penchant for song and a sentimental streak. (Jokes originating from my step father, who is both English and a former journalist, would be considerably ruder and inappropriate for publication).
We hope the list of horrible jokes brought a smile to your face and remind you of good times with parental units (father, step father or otherwise).
––Bronwyn Beairsto, Editor