When Colleen O'Neil was invited to attend the ceremony where she received an award for her work with CancerConnections, she didn't think it was a big deal. She even considered staying home, "I said to [my husband], 'I don't know, should we go?'"
In the end, they chose to attend. There were about 75 people present and O'Neil, who was sitting in the back, expected that the majority of them would go home with a badge or a ribbon. But when her name was called for the National Citation of Merit, she found that she was one of only two to receive that honour in B.C. She said, "It was a complete privilege. I do a lot of different volunteer work that requires a great deal of effort but [working for CancerConnections] is just fun. I talked to a woman last night for an hour and she was so glad to have that conversation with me. By the time I got off the phone, I was so affirmed. I felt I was able to make a contribution to her journey through her cancer. That's a great feeling."
CancerConnections is a phone peer support program sponsored by the Canadian Cancer Society. When somebody is diagnosed with cancer and would like to have someone to talk to, the cancer society will match them with one of their over 17,000 volunteers. O'Neil said, "[CancerConnections has] all the details of your cancer diagnosis documented, and not just the diagnosis but also, if you have children and what you are willing to discuss. For instance, you could discuss the physical aspect of your diagnosis and the intervention that happened. Some people want to talk about having cancer and having young children or teenagers at home. Some want to know about body image or sexuality. I put down my name for almost all of those."
O'Neil said, "People want to know what's ahead of them, what the treatment might look like and how long the rehabilitation might take. They ask, 'How long before I can get back to work, how long before I can look after my children?' And sometimes they want to know what the reconstruction looks like for me, now that I'm five years down the road."
O'Neil was diagnosed in December 2005. She had a mastectomy and breast reconstruction. The women O'Neil talks to always express gratitude. She says, "You can go to your doctor and get the facts but it's hard to know, 'How will I feel two weeks after this surgery? How will I look? How do I talk to my husband about this, and my kids?' Lots of women and families expect that their kids will rise to the occasion and be really supportive. But realistically, teenagers and young kids tend to be a bit more self-absorbed until they get to a stage when they discover empathy."
There is another aspect to talking to someone who has cancer. O'Neil says, "A lot of friends expect you to stay positive about what's going on. I think one of the reasons why I seem to do well with clients is because I really like to call it what it is. Depending on whom I talk to, sometimes I just say, 'This really sucks.' or 'This is a really awful thing that you're going through.' And people are so relieved to hear somebody acknowledge that."
"When I was diagnosed, almost everybody I talked to said, 'You're going to be fine - just stay positive.' There is a societal imperative to be positive around cancer - all the pink ribbons and all the enthusiasm and walks and marches. It's one thing to be positive when you're out at the other end. It's a different story when you're just getting into it, when you're dealing with repeat biopsies, when you're waiting for surgery, maybe radiation, then maybe chemo. And people just demand that you're upbeat and if you're not, somehow they're condemning you to a poor prognosis."
O'Neil says, "I try to let my clients know that they have a right to be sad and angry and depressed and that the people should support them around that. I am generally an upbeat person but I also acknowledge when I'm miserable. I'm able to name it, say it and feel it. And I let other cancer patients feel the same thing."
On average, O'Neil gets a client every two weeks. Some of them call once, others want to have an ongoing conversation and phone back up to five times. It helps that O'Neil has a positive personal story to tell. She says, "I am still cancer free after five years. And I'm able to say that the surgery didn't hurt that much and that my breasts look pretty good - in a candle-lit room, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference."
O'Neil has also witnessed other scenarios. She says, "I'm a nurse and I've worked with women who are dying of breast cancer. I know that there are lots of unhappy endings and lots of diagnoses are worse than mine."
In addition to talking to cancer patients on the phone, O'Neil has also been speaking publicly for the Canadian Cancer Society and its programs. She says, "I am honoured to receive the award. And the work [with CancerConnections] is so fulfilling. I always thought that I should thank them for letting me do it rather than receiving a prize."
