Seaweed: You can eat it. Really. You might even like it.

I first learned, in my tender youth, that bullwhip kelp (Nereocystis luetkeana) was not only a fun seaside toy to whip around or blow like a trumpet, but also an elite culinary delicacy, due to my dad earnestly extending me a piece of driftwood draped with lightly fire-roasted kelp he had collected off the beach. “Try it,” he urged, with a straight face. “They eat this in Japan.” Suffice it to say, I unlearned that lesson very quickly. Forgiveness came much slower. My dad just cackled in delight that he actually convinced his poor gullible child to take a bite of some putrid seaweed. 

That’s not to say that people don’t eat kelp. The entire plant is edible, and can be pickled, fried, dried, and used for soup stocks. You might have even eaten it without realizing it: it’s often used to thicken foods like ice cream and salad dressing. However, usually, it is harvested in deep water, while still living, and then rinsed clean before preparing and eating, not collected half-rotten straight off the beach. Don’t do this to your children! Just don’t! No matter how funny it might be. 

To be fair, I have to admit my dad was partially correct: the Japanese do use kelp in their cuisine. However, the kombu that you find in miso soup, for example, is a different species than the kind that grows along the Pacific Coast. Our bullwhip kelp can grow well over 100 feet long!

 If my dad were a bit more knowledgeable, he could have tried to feed me popweed (Fucus gardneri) on the beach. Not only is it eminently easier to harvest, since it grows in small bunches in the intertidal zone, but it offers a surprise “wow factor” that bullwhip kelp just can’t match. 

Popweed is best eaten “fresh,” that is to say, right after it is harvested. Choose smaller samples with no bulbs, as the liquid in the bulbs is not appetizing. This seaweed can be eaten raw, which would have pleased my dad, but please, unlike him, rinse it with fresh water first! Then, if you really want to impress the kiddos, blanch it in boiling water. This drab brownish seaweed will turn a bright neon green! Oooh! Ahhhh!

 At least my dad didn’t try to feed me gutweed (Ulva intestinalis). Not great raw, and hard to clean and cook, this “unfortunate cousin” of sea lettuce is found in both seawater and freshwater, and particularly where the two meet. Once cleaned, then dried or fried, gutweed can be a great salt substitute.

 If it’s so troublesome, and not very tasty, why bother with gutweed at all? It does have a few handy features that the other two do not. First, it tends to proliferate in eutrophic conditions. This means, it alone can thrive in areas where excess nitrate and phosphate (usually from agricultural or sewage runoff) cause the entire area to die off. When there’s nothing else to eat, at least there’s gutweed! Perfect apocalypse food.

 Second, it is remarkably resilient to dry conditions. It can do well even above the tide lines. In fact, in the hottest spells of summer, the sun will do the work of drying gutweed for you. Simply look for fully white, crispy tufts. Pretty handy. Take that, climate change.

Hopefully, we will not end up needing to survive on seaweed, but it can be fun to mix up the status quo and try something new. Just remember: when harvesting seaweed, don’t just rip out the whole plant— use a knife and slice off portions above the holdfasts (“roots”), leaving them attached at their anchors. This will ensure that the seaweed can grow back, and we can all share this tasty snack for years to come.